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Robert Dudley

Filed under: Breaking News,Business,Disasters,Environment,Scandals — Tags: , , , — Positronic Dave @ 5:41 pm July 27, 2010

So Robert Dudley is to take over for Tony Hayward in the complete cluster-f*** that has been British Petroleum’s handling of the Gulf of Mexico oil spill that they caused? Good luck, Robert. Those are two of the shoes I would least want to be anywhere near needing to fill, or at least replace. I mean, they have all that crude oil and Tony Hayward’s own brand of b.s. all over them. Better to start the game with new shoes there Robert Dudley. Just sayin’…

Incoming CEO Bob Dudley poses outside BP's global headquarters in London, Tuesday, July 27, 2010.

As I blogged about last night, it is time, both BP and Tony Hayward agreed, for Tony to do the modern, equivalent of a disgraced general throwing himself on his own sword in shame over what his failure and dishonor. Except in today’s corporate world, that just means Tony will take his BP CEO Golden Parachute (estimated to be made of almost $11 million dollars worth of gold) and be banished to the terrible shame of another job, with BP’s joint-venture with Russia.

Wow, I bet Tony’s wrists hurt after that humiliating slap.

Enter now, Robert Dudley (can we call you Bob Dudley?) the man BP believes can clean up the Gulf, restore confidence in British Petroleum’s ability to do something other than f*** up the planet, and maybe spin straw into gold while he’s at it.

Good luck with that Robert Dudley-Do Right. Good freakin’ luck.

Right away, robert Dudley has amazed us all with his grasp of the painfully obvious, even if he’s a few disasters too late. He has called this “incident” (you know, polluting the Gulf of Mexico, millions of people and animals impacted, 11 oilworkers killed, etc., etc) as a wakeup call for the oil industry. Actually, Mr. Robert Dudley, that was the Exxon Valdez spill that was your industry’s wake up call, and you’ve all overslept these past 20 years.

In other news BP has lost almost $18 billion dollars from all this, and that’s not including the $20 billion they’ve promised to pony up to cover the losses of area businesses and families, etc. So, really, they’re hoping Robert Dudley will just clean this up and turn it around, and if all the rest of us could forget the whole thing, that’d be great too.

BP seems to be banking on the fact the Robert Dudley grew up in the area (Mississippi) and has had a career based on careful steps and policies. The fact that he lost out on the CEP job to Tony Hayward must be a pretty embarrassment to the BP folks. See, if they hadn’t hired Tony “I’d rather Be Sailing” Hayward, they would’ve had Robert Dudley, and maybe all this would never have happened.

If only, if only… right Robert Dudley? Now get to work.

Tony Hayward Proves “The Peter Principle”

Filed under: Business,Controversy,Crazy News,Disasters,Environment,Idiots,Scandals — Tags: , , — Positronic Dave @ 12:46 am

What is the cost of utter failure? Well, for Tony Hayward, British petroleum’s CEO responsible for the “full speed ahead and ^%$$%#@#% the safety measures!” style of management which lead to the Gulf of Mexico eco-disaster will be stepping down from the position he utterly screwed-up, as soon as October. As opposed to NOW or even MONTHS AGO when the full scale of the disaster became known, while Tony Heyward was moaning about wanting to get his life back.

For this show of absolute arrogant stupidity and clueless behavior, Tony Hayward’s punishment will be a yearly pension of over $900,000, plus benefits, etc.

In other news, the 11 American citizens he is responsible for killing are still dead and the fishing, shrimping and tourist industries of the Gulf of Mexico are still going bankrupt, and 100,000’s of animals are still being killed. And none of them are getting pensions, just a lifetime’s worth of repercussions from something they didn’t do.

Get this, because he and BP are splitting”by mutual decision” he will keep his pension, plus a year’s salary, plus benefits, plus stock options… something like an $11 million dollar slap on the wrist, instead of the savage pummeling and tar & feathering that he so richly deserves.

And proving that British Petroleum executives are as dumb as they are stupid, Hayward will be given a role in their Russian business ventures described as something “non executive.” One prays that involves a shovel and outhouses, but life isn’t that fair, now is it? To their credit, one of BP’s officials acknowledges that this “may be controversial.”

You think?

I think Hayward should receive the previously mentioned savage pummeling, then given a rowboat, a mop and a bucket, and a solid shove away from the shore until he does something useful with his life.

Meanwhile, BP is preparing to announce their worst quarter ever… which is karma, really. But not enough of it. This is what they get for hiring a man who’s dedication to safety was described as “laser-like” instead of “competent” or “there at all.” The man can’t leave fast enough for me, British Petroleum can’t suffer losses big enough to make up for what they have done to the Gulf of Mexico and it’s citizens and denizens.

Tony Hayward

If there’s any justice in Heaven Tony Hayward can be a lowly servant in Hell. Here’s hoping.

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