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Justin Bieber Smoking Weed

Filed under: Celebrities,Rumors — Tags: , , — Positronic Dave @ 2:36 am July 30, 2010

Today, we have “Justin Bieber Smoking Weed” to add to our growing list of Justin Bieber rumors. And I have to say I am disappointed in you, rumor mongers… very, very let down. I’m sad.

“Justin Bieber smoking weed” is the best you can come up with? Jumping Jesus on a solar-powered pogo stick, I could work up a better rumor than that, upon waking, and even before my necessary seven cups of coffee. Hell, I’ve given you all very fertile ground on which to sow even better Bieber rumors. I don’t know how many times I’ve insinuated that he and Kim Kardashian have an odd sex life wherein, she wears the pants, and the strap-on, in that particular “beast with two backs.”

And has anyone of you ever picked up on that and ran with it, shrieking and giggling into the night? No. No, you haven’t. Do I need to draw you a picture here? “Justin Bieber smokes weed” just sounds like bad TV detective dialogue.

Justin Bieber smoking weed would only be a thrilling charge if he were wrapping the smoke in pieces of human skin, or maybe sprinkling cancer-child blood over the pot before rolling it up. Otherwise, the idea that smoking pot is anything controversial or surprising is… well, it’s kind of so 1970s, really. Like I said… sad. Just sad.

Let’s work together here, internet rumor mongers. I’ll keep suggesting, in so many words, that Kim buckles the belt on a 14″ sky-blue, glow-in-the-dark, vibrating phallus (with authentic “pulse action”) before showing Justin Bieber “the love of tigers!” The least you could do is drop it in your blogs and tweets and Facebook status updates, and then we’d all be a lot happier.

Especially Justin Drew Bieber, who would rather feel the back of his thighs slapping together from the sheer force of Kim’s energetic and enthusiastic love-making, than be criminally bored by rumors like “Justin Bieber smoking weed.” Let’s think of Justin’s needs, Ok?