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British Petroleum to Try New Cap

Filed under: Breaking News,Disasters,Environment,Science News — Tags: , — Positronic Dave @ 10:35 pm July 14, 2010

The U.S. Government has told British Petroleum to test a newer, better, and possibly likely-to-work-maybe, cap in order to seal the infamous leak in the Gulf of Mexico after spending a day debating whether or not it would work, or make the leak worse.

You know, it’s sterling recommendations like that that just make me goddamn giddy with excitement. It’s like trying to justify a fixing a bad haircut with gasoline and a blow-torch. As long as it’s done right, it shouldn’t go wrong, right?

The tests will be held on Wednesday, says Lord of the Gulf, Thad Allen, unless it doesn’t. Again, I feel pretty comforted… not. Like they say in many action-adventure movies involving bombs and doomsday machines, “If you’re going to do something, now would be a good time!”

Yeah, wouldn’t want anything bad to happen if British Petroleum went ahead and did something in a half-assed manner that had horrible and far-reaching consequences or anything. i mean if they did something that stupid, rash and short-sighted then bad things could happen. 11 more people might die and then Tony Heyward would never get his life back.

British Petroleum is rolling the eco-dice again with a cap weighing some 75 tons by moving fast. The device, already in place, will (hopefully) cease the leak from continuing to dump crude oil into the water, while excess will be pumped up to container ships. All it needs now is for BP to seal the valves, which is when our government stepped in and said “Isn’t this very type of head-down & charge ahead” mentality that caused the disaster in the first place?

The danger would be if, once this well was sealed, the pressure might be so great as to cause leaks to open elsewhere. But if Thad Allen says go, then let us go. If everything goes well (pleaseGodpleaseGodpleaseGod!!!) British Petroleum will seal the valves, check them at six-hour intervals, and two days later, analyze the test results.

British Petroleum

Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill- Day 77 Dawns Tomorrow

The Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill turns 77 tomorrow, 77 days that is. The worst eco-disaster in U.S.History continues, despite the efforts of the best and the brilliant to stop it, or even ebb the tide. Oh, and British Petroleum is helping out with the Gulf of Mexico oil spill too, they wanted us all to know that in hopes that we’d hate them a little less than they know we do. Sorry guys… didn’t work.

The Oiled Giant (and holder of the worst safety record in the entire oil industry) has so far paid out over $3 billion dollars towards clean-up efforts, as well as remunerations to local fishermen, fines, penalties, tax and a nice fat tip. This is a separate amount from the $20 billion dollar fund they set up at the insistence of President Obama, for which he has been criticized by industry-shills like Rep. Joe Barton of Texas, Rand “Crazier than my dad!” Paul, and Sarah “I’ll do anything for airtime!” Palin, both of whom have stood up for the poor old oil company being treated poorly by the bad, bad man.

OIL SKIMMER UPDATE

A Whale, the Taiwanese oil skimmer’s first test run didn’t ring any church bells or let loose flocks of singing angels. Owners of the boat, said to be able to process well over 20 million gallons of oil-polluted water per day, maintain that high seas are impairing its performance. Apprently, it’s a “fair weather” friend. Meanwhile the fleet of smaller skimmers are just returning now to sea to combat the Gulf of Mexico oil spill, after being scared out of the area by the “Tropical Storm That Thought it was a Hurricane,” Alex.

IF THERE ARE BALLOONS THEN IT MUST BE A PARTY!!!

The U.S, Navy is bringing in the blimp! An MZ-3A airship will be used to monitor the Gulf of Mexico oil spill, help in directing skimmers, and radio in help for endangered marine animals. Blimps can stay airborne for half a day, making them far more effective than planes or helicopters. If you, like me, are feeling the temptation to make Hindenburg comparisons, let’s refrain. We need every bit of good news we can get here.

TAR BALL BEACH, TEXAS STYLE!!!

The Texas Land Commissioner, Jerry Patterson, announced that tar balls are washing up on Texas beaches around Galveston Island and the Bolivar Peninsula yesterday, adding just one more $#%$@5 thing we can thank Tony Heyward and British petroleum for. Watch their P.R. try to make this a kind of “Hey kids! Know what’s fun to play with AND free from your pals at BP? Oil balls! Yaaaay!!!” summer thing.

MORE FISHERMAN $#%%# OUT OF LUCK!!!

The N.O.A.A. has declared even more territory that is closed to fisherman as the oil slick continues to spread. This means over a third of all federal areas in the gulf are closed now to fishing.

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